THY WILL BE DONE
Let’s be honest, the last time I posted was in May. Since then, I feel like my life has been twisted inside out and upside down. I’ve felt every emotion possible within a few months span and as I look back I’ve realized how resilient I really am.
Summer ’16 I felt lost more than I have ever been. For the first time in a long time I didn’t know what my future would hold. I had it all planned out before. My life wasn’t perfect but I was blessed beyond measures. I thought I was right where I needed to be and I was content.
But that’s the funny thing; life likes to shake things up when you least expect it. And life never seems to go the way you planned.
When it all started to fall apart I felt discouraged and beat to the ground. Days upon days I spent living in my head. Trying to break everything down, trying to solve it, trying to find the reason why. All of that was doing little good. Family and friends truly helped as much as they could (and I love each and every one of you for being my Angels on Earth) but it was something I also had to get through on my own.
God is always where I turn to when things start to get rough. This time around it became so hard to turn to him. It was like one thing after another that turned my focus from him. On top of feeling hurt and angry, I felt betrayed. Although I didn’t blame God, I felt so much negativity clouding my vision to look towards him.
In the midst of it all, my cousin asked me to write what I defined as being FOUND by God. My cousin is a beautiful Godly woman. Someone I can always turn to and count on to lift me right back up. Sometimes she does it in a way my mother always did, through prayer and scriptures.
But how ironic is it to write about being FOUND, when I was completely lost?
I’ve been sitting on this “assignment” for a looooong while now. My first thought that came to mind was “Oh, I’ll just write about the Prodigal Son” (Luke 15:11-32). I loved this story growing up. It had the perfect message of being lost and then being found. It had the message of forgiveness and a father’s unconditional love. But still…it didn’t feel like it was MY complete story, my definition of being FOUND.
So now it’s Fall ’16, my favorite time of year. My birthday season and the start of holidays! It’s the season of transformations and giving thanks. What does transformation have to do with being FOUND? Yet I found myself thinking of the symbolism of fall.
Transformation can take on several meanings. To some it can be life to death and others it can be old to new. Whatever it may be, many may have a resistance to change. Fall is here to remind us it’s going to happen anyways so might as well make it beautiful. The leaves change from fresh green to vibrant purple, red, orange, and yellow before they dwindle to the ground to perish. However, they fall to the ground for a purpose; to make room for new life.
It then begins to hit me as I reflect on all the times in my life I felt lost. Where I wandered away from my beliefs and values; where I made countless mistakes and suffered great loss. All the times I cried in prayer for strength and peace. And then I thought about all the times I overcame this lost feeling. All the times I came out alive and stronger. The times when God’s grace and love pulled me through. That’s when I realized that trees don’t wilt in despair when their leaves fall to the ground. They stand firm because they know new leaves will be coming in the spring.
As I apply that to myself I know I have to go through the lows to get to the highs. There will be stormy days and there will be days filled with warmth of the sun. Leaves falling to the ground can be seen as letting go of all the things that burden me and all the negative emotions and energy that limit me. All the things I thought were in my plans and giving it to God to make beautiful again when the time is right. And that’s when it all connected that everything is going to be alright.
Being FOUND doesn’t necessarily mean I have found my way through or I’m no longer lost. It doesn’t mean I will never be lost again. Being FOUND means that I know the love God has for me and THY WILL BE DONE. Just as the leaves fall for a purpose, I fall for a purpose. He has a plan for me and is not leading me astray.
Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
THY WILL BE DONE,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
A prayer I’ve been saying since I’ve learned it in Kindergarten and yet now these words have a much more powerful meaning.
I may not know exactly where I’m going but my trust and faith will guide the way. I’ve made mistakes and others have hurt me but I won’t let that lead me down the wrong path because God’s will be done. Half of the time when heartache is happening I don’t understand what He is doing. But then I look back and see all the good He brought out of all my hardships. Now I know I am right where I need to be to become the person I am meant to be. Everything I go through is all a part of who I am.
Like the fall and sunset (also my favorite), life and light will come again.
If you are feeling lost, just know you are not alone. We are all trying to find our way through this adverse; nonetheless, beautiful life. Always find the beauty in contrast situations. Find ways for adversity to make you better as a whole. Take charge of your life in a positive way and know that THY WILL BE DONE. It takes time AND action but finding joy in everyday is possible.
Thy Will by Hillary Scott. Music expresses everything I am unable to convey.